Nipomo High School Presentations

So today, I spoke to the health classes at Nipomo High School. The class and students to were amazing. It was a privilege to share my story to another group of teens. It's so important for our youth to start being aware and advocates for their selves. Got some amazing feedback and quite a few non anonymous students who gave names and emails or phone numbers. Doing this bring me so much joy, even if the entire class gets nothing out of what I say, which I find that hard to believe, I'm telling my story, it's getting easier and easier.  Smoother and less stressful. I've added more personal items about myself, like a slide show of family pictures. I've also brought in sterilized tattoo equipment and a basic tattoo gun. This made for so much more eye opening moments. I thank the Lord everyday for putting me in a advocacy position and that every share is getting easier and easier, which is making me feel even more comfortable and confident and less stigmatized!!  END THE STIGMA 2015!!!

AGHS Classes Done, and I'm Beginning Tap Classes

So this morning I met with Mr. Wilson's classes today. First 2 periods were psychology classes and the last 3 periods were health classes. I haven't read through their notes or questionnaires but I have a great feeling about it.

Oooh, and i've decided to do something for myself.... i started adult Tap Classes here locally. My first class (free trial) is next week.  Not to mention Sadie and I start Mommy & Me gymnastic classes and Riley is signed up for ballet/jazz/tap classes, all starting next week.

30 isn't as bad as I thought lol!!!

New Classes to Speak to

An old high school counselor of mine fed a little bug to the Nipomo High School health teacher, who called me and asked me to come next week and speak to her classes as well. Two high schools down and I can't believe I've done this all on my own, buy word of mouth and getting put ghere, standing up for what I believe in!!

Things Are Happening! The Word is Getting Out

So tonight I finish my "positive speaking" classes tonight with ASN. Hopefully on my way to becoming a certified testing counselor. But beside that great news... I've been asked by Bob Wilson at AGHS to speak to his psychology classes and the other 3 health classes left. I'm so excited. Big steps for me! I'm also really working on all my issues from my childhood to become the best person I can be.... Ooh and I signed up for a tap class so I can start tapping again. It's only been 25 years!!!! :)

Nearly A Month

It's been nearly a month since I've posted anything.... and to be honest my resolve is torn!!. I haven't been motivated to write anything because I've fallen back into a depression. And if I force it then its, fake... so I feel my lackluster "job/conquest" is fizzled itself out. I'm gonna be 30 in a few days and honestly that scares the shit out of me. I was told 10 years and I would eventually start deteriorating.... a few days from now will be exactly 9 years I've had HIV, and at 41 my father ultimately committed suicide due to his illnesses..... mental, physical, and self-induced!! He had HEP C which isn't much different than HIV. From drugs and tattoos. Go figure!!! "And the child will always follow in the father's footsteps"... anyways, I'm still here people, just having one of those moments in life!!!

HIV outbreak in Indiana

http://nbcnews.to/1bxEdtz

Philadelphia Scientists "delete" HIV virus from human dna

http://guff.com/glt-scientists-delete-hiv/20?ts_pid=2

This is unbelievable news. But we will see how long it takes to become funded and expanded.

Endless True Love

But after she explained things to us and referred me to a few more doctors I was more willing to hear things.  Later that afternoon, I called Brad and said "I need to talk to you, seriously". He came over as soon as he could. I just began balling and couldn't even start the conversation. Once I finally did I basically told him, he's got a free out of this relationship, he didn't choose this, and sure wasn't expecting it. To be 19 and having a baby is already scary enough, but with a woman who could potentially harm him and our children. I was fully willing to give him up and had already understood what the repercussions would be If he chose to leave. But God willing, he stayed and said "Yeah and, it's just more to love you for". And nearly 8 years later he has stood by my side. Without question or without fear. True love is something I'd never known or seen, and it made me so guilty and uncomfortable knowing this man truly loved me. It took a long time to truly love him and a lot of my own mistakes before I knew he was here to stay. I thank the Lord everyday he chose to stay. It just didn't seem fair to him, to be with me, and potentially, get HIV. My worst fear. He's never once been concerned or worried. He's done his research and has told me "it's not the worst thing that could happen." I have different opinions and and someone with HIV would nearly be devastated to transmit to our loved ones. Truly, at least that's how I've always felt.

End the Stigma

HOW I FOUND OUT I WAS HIV+

My childhood was, well.... confusing and complicated.  It would literally write it's own autobiography if rehashed.  So of course I'm in therapy, once again, this time it's working.  I've put the past in the past, forgiven not forgotten, and i've come to realize i'm not to blame nor should i blame myself.  So let's fast forward past the specifics to quite a few years later. 

It was April 2006, I was turning 21!!!!  Woohoo!!  Liquid courage and friends laughing that I was the only one without a tattoo; I signed that release form, told the guy what I wanted and sat in the chair.  I won't lie, it really didn't hurt and made me feel really fucking awesome.  Immediately after, I rolled my jeans down and pulled my shirt up and walked around the beach boardwalk showing off my new ink.  New tattoo, 21 year old girl, shouting it was my birthday.... lets just say it became a blur real quick.  Good times!

Now lets skip a few months later, sadly not even a year!  My marriage failed and I was living with my grandparents again in my highschool, born and raised hometown.  HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!???  Well being nearly 22 by then and free and single I hit the bars and had a blast.  Honestly it was awesome.  I was working, young, fun, and importantly independent, FINALLY.  I met Brad at the gas station in a hurry to get cigarettes and gas before my nightly bar appearance.  Fate, led to him and his friend picking me up that night to go out to the beach.  He was amazing, bold, brave, funny, adventurous, and everything that I was missing.  We started seriously dating very fast.  After a few months we found out we were pregnant.  Let me restate this... i was pregnant!  I didnt want to be with him because i just wanted....more! Honestly I didn't want to be pregnant.  Didn't have great parental role models and was screwed up enough, not married, way too young, and extremely selfish.  But something led me to tell him and figure out what to do. I was fully prepared to commit the ultimate sin of getting an abortion (i was raised very religiously). But he said, "thats awesome, i love you, i want kids, and i love kids. But this is your decision."  with the ultimate sin thing hanging over me, we decided to have this baby.  We told my grandparents, who I figured would scream, yell, disown me, and be very unsupportive.  Quite the opposite... they were thrilled.  Brads parents shared the same feelings.  That was it.... we were gonna have a baby! A life, something we would be responsible for until the end of time.  I was 22, Brad was 19..... HAHAHAHAHAHA, we weren't even responsible for ourselves yet!!  But couples have been having children for years, expected or not, and they were just find and made it work.  We could totally do this, or so we told ourselves.

Being single with low income and now being pregnant. i quickly received emergency pregnancy medi-cal.  Which led me to the CHC women's health clinic in Santa Maria.  I went there, they confirmed the pregnancy and then ordered an ultrasound.  It was so real at that point.  Our little person was growing inside of me.  It was pretty amazing and overwhelming not to mention emotional.  They ordered some regular labs and scheduled a follow up visit.  A few days later, around Thanksgiving, I started bleeding really bad and we were afraid i was miscarrying.  Obviously we went to the ER.  After a whole day in the ER after tests, ultrasounds, and labs they admitted me for a blood disorder.  My OB from CHC, Dr. McGhie, came to see me in the hospital to insure me that the baby was okay, but because of the bleeding disorder they wanted to me see a Hematologist  and stay in the hospital a few days for observation.  OMG, WTF, WTH, FML, this was a huge mistake.  All those thoughts went through my mind.  Let me explain a little, I have severe anxiety and aggression when it comes to hospitals.  Safe to say, I HATE HOSPITALS!
Long story short, I met Dr. April Kennedy, Hematologist and Oncologist.  I loved her immediately.  Great doctor!!!  She said I would be just fine and so would our baby.  I had a blood disorder called Idiopathic Thrombocyto Penia. (ITP).  Laymans terms, my white blood cells were so low that I was unable to clot, which would mean bleeding out, and hemorrhaging.  She ordered Prednisone and said that it was common in pregnant woman and not to worry.  i spent 5 days in the hospital, and once released was to immediately follow up with Dr. Kennedy.  Never heard from CHC or Dr. McGhie since the first appt and the time he quickly came into the hospital.  After being released, I received a phone call from CHC saying they were too overloaded with patients and with the new "high-risk" issues I was having, she suggested I pick up my records and find another OB/GYN who specializes in "high-risk" pregnancies.  They recommended Dr. Richard Spalding in San Luis Obispo.  When I followed up with Dr. Kennedy and gave her Dr. McGhies records, along with her own lab reports she ordered.  She said ITP doesn't make you "high-risk".  She offered to speak to them and ordered a more specialized test for me to get a better understanding of the ITP levels and thereforth.

Brad was at work and I was sitting in the back room, being a lazy pregnant woman!!!  My phone rang and it was Dr. Kennedy.  She said, I need to speak to you in my office regarding your pathology reports.  She sounded concerned but also I trusted her and said she could tell me over the phone, she insisted I come in... I insisted she just come out with it.  "Chelsea multiple pathology reports show that you are HIV+!"  I began balling, said I'll be right there, told my grandma, called my aunt, and within 10 minutes the 3 of us were driving to Dr. Kennedy's office.  I have to stop for a minute because this is such a vivid, terrifying memory for me that it literally brings me to tears.

Progress

Arroyo Grande High School has accepted my offer to speak to a health class regarding HIV and awareness.  Should happen next week sometime. So appreciative of this amazing opportunity!!

STORM OF LIFE!!

If you were to take away all security, objects, relationships, basically your life and it was to spin like a tornado.  Swirling around thrashing your life into an endless spiral of insecurity and guilt, spinning all around you as you stare into the gorgeous light above, the calm outside the storm. Then in the midst of a literal life storm, lightning strikes unannounced, unexpected.  Sure what could be worse then a tornado of your life spinning all around you?  Its the lightening that pushes us to the extreme.  Weeding out the weak and the strong.  So you come to a cross roads.... is this it, a wild and frightening storm of life with endless strikes?  Or do you lasso that tornado, stand your ground, and fight?  Well i've lassoed that damn tornado and rode it through the disasters that were left in the wake, fixing what I could, or thought I could.  But that tornado won.... knocked me back off my feet once again.  This time, I used my emotions turned them into a chain strong enough to bring that tornado crumbling to its feet.   Leaving a shattered and messy life to clean up, but at least its mine to clean up. And a calm that allows me to control the way i put my life back together. 

WHY NOW??!!

Why am I choosing to become an advocate now?  Basically I've sat around for the last seven to eight years watching the system fail and not having anyone there to do anything about it.  So I figured go with what they say "be the change you wish to see in the world".  I can't honestly say there was one specific moment that changed in my thoughts on any of this, however being an HIV positive woman, heterosexual, married, with two beautiful negative children.  I believe that I have a voice that people should hear.  Are we not fighting to raise awareness and end the stigma and educate and find a cure for this disease, that we've literally been battling since 1980?  And isn't this the year that were supposed to end the transmission of HIV/AIDS from mother to child?  Are our medical professionals educated enough themselves to end the stigma and change policies that have been set forth that have obviously failed?  So here, I am bringing those issues to light and hoping to change so much more than just the stigma!