My childhood was, well.... confusing and complicated. It would literally write it's own autobiography if rehashed. So of course I'm in therapy, once again, this time it's working. I've put the past in the past, forgiven not forgotten, and i've come to realize i'm not to blame nor should i blame myself. So let's fast forward past the specifics to quite a few years later.
It was April 2006, I was turning 21!!!! Woohoo!! Liquid courage and friends laughing that I was the only one without a tattoo; I signed that release form, told the guy what I wanted and sat in the chair. I won't lie, it really didn't hurt and made me feel really fucking awesome. Immediately after, I rolled my jeans down and pulled my shirt up and walked around the beach boardwalk showing off my new ink. New tattoo, 21 year old girl, shouting it was my birthday.... lets just say it became a blur real quick. Good times!
Now lets skip a few months later, sadly not even a year! My marriage failed and I was living with my grandparents again in my highschool, born and raised hometown. HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME!!!??? Well being nearly 22 by then and free and single I hit the bars and had a blast. Honestly it was awesome. I was working, young, fun, and importantly independent, FINALLY. I met Brad at the gas station in a hurry to get cigarettes and gas before my nightly bar appearance. Fate, led to him and his friend picking me up that night to go out to the beach. He was amazing, bold, brave, funny, adventurous, and everything that I was missing. We started seriously dating very fast. After a few months we found out we were pregnant. Let me restate this... i was pregnant! I didnt want to be with him because i just wanted....more! Honestly I didn't want to be pregnant. Didn't have great parental role models and was screwed up enough, not married, way too young, and extremely selfish. But something led me to tell him and figure out what to do. I was fully prepared to commit the ultimate sin of getting an abortion (i was raised very religiously). But he said, "thats awesome, i love you, i want kids, and i love kids. But this is your decision." with the ultimate sin thing hanging over me, we decided to have this baby. We told my grandparents, who I figured would scream, yell, disown me, and be very unsupportive. Quite the opposite... they were thrilled. Brads parents shared the same feelings. That was it.... we were gonna have a baby! A life, something we would be responsible for until the end of time. I was 22, Brad was 19..... HAHAHAHAHAHA, we weren't even responsible for ourselves yet!! But couples have been having children for years, expected or not, and they were just find and made it work. We could totally do this, or so we told ourselves.
Being single with low income and now being pregnant. i quickly received emergency pregnancy medi-cal. Which led me to the CHC women's health clinic in Santa Maria. I went there, they confirmed the pregnancy and then ordered an ultrasound. It was so real at that point. Our little person was growing inside of me. It was pretty amazing and overwhelming not to mention emotional. They ordered some regular labs and scheduled a follow up visit. A few days later, around Thanksgiving, I started bleeding really bad and we were afraid i was miscarrying. Obviously we went to the ER. After a whole day in the ER after tests, ultrasounds, and labs they admitted me for a blood disorder. My OB from CHC, Dr. McGhie, came to see me in the hospital to insure me that the baby was okay, but because of the bleeding disorder they wanted to me see a Hematologist and stay in the hospital a few days for observation. OMG, WTF, WTH, FML, this was a huge mistake. All those thoughts went through my mind. Let me explain a little, I have severe anxiety and aggression when it comes to hospitals. Safe to say, I HATE HOSPITALS!
Long story short, I met Dr. April Kennedy, Hematologist and Oncologist. I loved her immediately. Great doctor!!! She said I would be just fine and so would our baby. I had a blood disorder called Idiopathic Thrombocyto Penia. (ITP). Laymans terms, my white blood cells were so low that I was unable to clot, which would mean bleeding out, and hemorrhaging. She ordered Prednisone and said that it was common in pregnant woman and not to worry. i spent 5 days in the hospital, and once released was to immediately follow up with Dr. Kennedy. Never heard from CHC or Dr. McGhie since the first appt and the time he quickly came into the hospital. After being released, I received a phone call from CHC saying they were too overloaded with patients and with the new "high-risk" issues I was having, she suggested I pick up my records and find another OB/GYN who specializes in "high-risk" pregnancies. They recommended Dr. Richard Spalding in San Luis Obispo. When I followed up with Dr. Kennedy and gave her Dr. McGhies records, along with her own lab reports she ordered. She said ITP doesn't make you "high-risk". She offered to speak to them and ordered a more specialized test for me to get a better understanding of the ITP levels and thereforth.
Brad was at work and I was sitting in the back room, being a lazy pregnant woman!!! My phone rang and it was Dr. Kennedy. She said, I need to speak to you in my office regarding your pathology reports. She sounded concerned but also I trusted her and said she could tell me over the phone, she insisted I come in... I insisted she just come out with it. "Chelsea multiple pathology reports show that you are HIV+!" I began balling, said I'll be right there, told my grandma, called my aunt, and within 10 minutes the 3 of us were driving to Dr. Kennedy's office. I have to stop for a minute because this is such a vivid, terrifying memory for me that it literally brings me to tears.
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